Pixels Review
Pixels Review
Written by Huzaifa Khan on July 23, 2015.
In 2010, French filmmaker Patrick Jean released an ingenious short film about classic video game characters attacking -- and pixelating -- New York City. Featuring gorgeous visuals and a winning premise, the short quickly went viral. Of course, Hollywood wasn't going to sit by and not cash in on a feature-length version, so Sony picked up the rights to Jean's creation, adapted it for the big screen and put a bunch of funny people in it -- namely Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Josh Gad, Peter Dinklage and Michelle Monaghan. Unfortunately, though not surprisingly, Pixels makes a much better YouTube video than it does a full-length movie.
The original story (which sounds suspiciously like a ripoff of Futurama's "Anthology of Interest II") stars Sandler as Sam Brenner, who in the 1980s was king of the arcade, alongside his fellow gamers Cooper (James), Ludlow (Gad) and Eddie "The Fire Blaster" Plant (Dinklage). In the present, the guys maintain dead-end jobs and zero prospects -- save for James's character, whose turn as the U.S. President might actually be the most outlandish thing about this movie. But when intergalactic aliens misinterpret footage of 8-bit video games as a declaration of war, they attack Earth in the form of Galaga, Centipede, Donkey Kong and other various video game icons, and that means Brenner and his buddies quickly become humanity's last chance at survival.
But don't let the synopsis fool you; Pixels is a run-of-the-mill Happy Madison production wrapped in a high-stakes, technicolor wrapper. There's nothing genuine or clever about the story here, and director Chris Columbus and the cast seem to know it. Sandler in particular comes off downright bored playing Brenner, even during the film's action scenes. (That should tell you all you need to know about Pixels' lack of energy.)
In fact, pretty much all of the characters are underwhelming and portrayed as gimmicks. James's President Cooper is rendered as a bumbling, incompetent idiot who can't read out the word "catastrophe." Gad's character Ludlow gets pinged for his guy-on-guy affection and is frequently the butt of "lonely virgin" jokes. Meanwhile, Dinklage offers some semblance of entertainment as "The Fire Blaster," but the novelty of his character wears off after his first couple scenes.
The female characters have it even worse. 30 Rock's Jane Krakowski is drastically underutilized as the First Lady, popping up in all of two throwaway scenes, while Monaghan's Lt. Col. Violet van Patten is degraded with nicknames like "Sugar Bum" and "Snobby," the latter of which she earns for not wanting to kiss Brenner at the start of the film.
Ultimately, Violet's purpose is to "Basil Exposition" the film's tech and flirt with Brenner -- because, you know, he's the lead and stuff. Even Ludlow's childhood crush, the kick-ass Lady Lisa (played by Ashley Benson), only shows up in the last 20 minutes of the movie and is given to Ludlow as a literal "trophy" from the aliens.
All that to say, Pixels' sense of humor is about as dated and obsolete as the games it's referencing.
Alas, the one good thing about Pixels -- Jean's original concept -- is also the one thing that's not original to the movie. That said, Columbus and Co. do expand on some of the short's set pieces in fun and interesting ways. The midway Pac-Man scene, for example, finds Sandler, Gad and Dinklage, as well as Pac-Man creator Toru Iwatani (played by Denis Akiyama), in souped-up MINI Coopers painted to look like Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde. Another amusing battle occurs when Sandler and Gad let loose on giant Centipedes in London, while Loverboy's "Working for the Weekend" plays over the chaos. Even the underwhelming "boss" battle with Donkey Kong is elevated by a well-timed cue of "We Will Rock You."
Suffice to say, Pixels isn't worth the price of a 3D ticket, despite its handful of colorful action sequences. (The conversion is actually decent, though it is flat in spots.) While the basic premise of the movie is a good one, Sony and Happy Madison's take on the material is laughless and insufferably dull. In the end, you'd be better off spending your quarters at an actual retro arcade.
Pixels is the button-masher of movies: brainless, obvious and only fun in short, five-minute bursts. When it's not resorting to cheap, obvious jokes, this Happy Madison comedy coasts from set piece to set piece, hoping you don't notice its one-note characters and ridiculous plot points. But again, this is a world where Kevin James is the President of the United States, so... judge accordingly.
KhanFlix Rating: 4/10
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